Tuesday, 30 June 2015

…WOULD RELIGION THRIVE?

2010. Arik Air, Kaduna - Lagos. 
Terrible turbulence. Dark clouds. Plane dropping altitude by altitude. Black sky. 30 mins stretch. Screams. Chants. Prayers and bindings...Allah, Jesus, Holy ghost and oh Lord of mercy! Luckily, 30 mins after, Plane landed...safely. 
The Transformation - Serious laughter. People joking. Girls making up. Straightening hair. Couples kissing...and the rest was history.


LET US PRAY

Coming Up!

Monday, 1 June 2015

The VICTORious


Do we know who The Winner in all of this quagmire is???

`The Almighty Goodluck Jonathan!'

From Nothing to Everything
From being a flop to getting on Top 
From A little to A Lot…
and credited for creating an environment for the few 1% to chop.

Despite having nothing to bring to the table
A commander-in-chief  that couldn't control a Constable
Stirred no waters and Frayed no nerves
as the Cabal still enjoyed the oil reserves

Lied to us that he felt our plight
and the WAR on Boko Haram he was going to Fight
Told us stories of how he had no shoes
All he was interested in was taking us for fools

Taking no Responsibilities and Harboring no risks
Delivered not 1 of his campaign promises
His fans regaled us with tales of 'stateman-ship'

that he was our god and worthy of Praise and Worship!

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

MR PRESIDENT ELECT - Muhammadu Buhari


Title: 'MAY 29'. (36’’ X 24’’ - Acrylic on Canvas)


MY INAGURATION GIFT TO MR PRESIDENT.

I found this message and it inspired me to pay my tribute to the great Man who defied it all. 
I don’t know who composed it, but whoever you are, you are an inspiration to me. 

The text reads: 
‘‘Never again will we teach our children principles of Persistence with the story of Abraham Lincoln. From this day forward, we’ll tell them our own story, we’ll tell them of a man who was once ridiculed and laughed at every time he lost an election; and he lost 3 times over 12 years, but refused to give up. He was mocked severally, called a “serial loser”, “old and brain-dead”,“bloody illiterate”, and an apostle of religious bigotry. Yet, he was undeterred in his quest to attaining his life’s purpose. He could have quit many times - but he did not and because he didn’t quit, he got 
victory at the March 28 2015 polls, heralding a season of change for his country - Nigeria. His name is Muhammadu Buhari and he is my President!’’

My intention is to present this work to Mr President himself. Please, post and share this till I get a link to him, 
otherwise, It will be donated to the Federal Ministry of Arts and Culture, Abuja.


Thank You.
One Nigeria, Great Nation. 
Unity, Faith, Peace and Progress.

Thursday, 26 March 2015

EXPENSIVE SHIT


Does EXPENSIVE mean EXCELLENT? - Not really!

So I went to this expensive restaurant.
First got insulted by the 2 security nit-wits at the door as I was about to enter. They were quick to direct me to the 'entrance' at the BACK only for me to get there and realize it was the pick-up room for people that make online orders. 
I went back to the front entrance and lambasted the stupid idiots  - ''No vex sir, this entrance na for those wey wan siddon chop no be for people way dem send to come carry order''. 
''You must both be very silly, no wonder they didn't give you challenging jobs!''
But really, I couldn't blame them anyway, for a place where Porsches, Bentleys and 
G-Wagons were parked, me too I dey do pass myself at times.

Okay, so I ordered. 
If you know me, you'd know I am a beans connoisseur. So I ordered it with Plantain and Fish, for God's sake, they don't even have fresh squeezed juice!!! - ''No sir, but we have refined juice''
Fuck off and get me water! (still angry at the security imbeciles)

After waiting for eternity, the food came. The plantain wasn't even ripe, the fish was smoked then put in stew and the beans tasted like the type with weevils.
Oh gosh! I gave up. I just gave up!

Nothing commercial can be good. Everything commercial is nonsense.
- Commercial Banking, commercial railway, commercial food, commercial airline…you name it.

Then, they brought the bill.
It was higher than mount Everest.
Oh my! I had to pay through my nose…and yes, I literally did. I sneezed and I made sure I sprayed a lot of mucus all over the place.

Good riddance! When next I'm looking for a place to eat in this Jonathans' dispensation, La'fric won't be an option!


I am sorry Fatima. I have come back to my senses, can I now come back home plsssssss????!

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

TO ALL THE GIRLS WHO GAVE US HELL

So exquisite! - They give 0% attention to character, have 1% fear of God and 90% attention to body-care! 
...But they are still never the problem, ''WE ARE''!


- So, they first said 'we were not up to their standard'…but they still asked us for recharge cards anyway! 
- We always had to apologize, even if their valentine presents took our whole Corpers' salary.
- They don't value hardwork; so, that we couldn't call because we were in a meeting was just baldadash!
- That we couldn't respond to their FREE ''Pls-call-me-back-SMS'' meant we were with another girl.
…meanwhile it was after the 5th "toasting" that they finally agreed...after series of 'Let me think about it'!

Anyway, we are still sorry. We will always be sorry. We were born to be sorry. So sorry to the ones we disappointed in bed after bragging we were 'Macho Men'. Sorry to the ones who left us to marry other people…to the ones who hated us for not proposing on time and the ones who felt we were not just their type! 
The ones who had to 'manage' us for not being 'TDH'…and those who constantly compared us to their Ex-boyfriends who by the way, they still refer to as ''That Idiot''. We are still sorry to the ones who felt sad that we couldn't carry them romantically like Jack did Rose in Titanic even though they were 100kg heavier than us! 
Kudos to the ones who could rival Oprah as a talk show host! Those ones who never listened to us. Those ones who always thought they had to always do the talking and complained that we weren't listening…and so sad for the ones who didn't know when not to even talk!
Extremely sorry to the ones who wanted us to support their dreams; living the kim kardashian lifestyle…to the ones who wanted a room full of shoes like Kate Moss. We still can never forgive ourselves for the ones we couldn't take to Paris for shopping even while still owing our Landlords 4 months rent; by the way, we understand if they still can't stop calling us 'Akagum'!

We are prostrating to the ones who felt we didn't reciprocate their love and the ones who called us 'Play Boy's. The ones who dumped us for being cerebral and the ones who didn't understand our struggles. The ones who were disappointed  we were nothing like the strong male characters EBONY magazine wrote about, and the ones who called us unromantic unlike the guys in 'Mills & Booms'.
We feel apologetic to the ones who said we lacked ambition...to the ones who were frightened cos we were too ambitious.The ones whose fathers called us thugs…and the fathers who acted all 'robocop' using dogs to scare us. The ones whose Mothers had to scrutinize us to see if we were good enough for their daughters…but GLAD to the ones whose Aunties secretly fancied and even laid us.

What about the ones…Those ones…Those rare ones…Those ones who didn't care about anything else but to care for us…
…Those ones who know a MAN is like a Toilet - Everybody sits on, comes to take a shit on, vomits on, bleeds on and ever so often, they are the only ones responsible for cleaning him up - That one we all call Mother!
Even when you are a stupid son, they still never forsake you.
They just have nowhere to go. They just can't let you be.
Though I am not one for popular beliefs, cos I mean…why would western civilization tell us when and how to celebrate our own Mothers?! - …but I just thought to let it be this time, CHANGE is the only constant thing in life, - Sai Buhari and HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY! 

'lanre okunola

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Creativity Today!


…in Management -

Creativity gave us the Art of  WANKING - sAVEs YOU 40% CHANCE OF GETTING  PROSTATE CANCER since we have no superior medical facility in the country.

Creativity is what created 'Yimu', - for when your boss knows you deserve a raise but waits till you drop your resignation letter before he gives it to you.

Creativity is what created the wheel-barrow sex style. - How would life have been without you at the wheel of your brand new 4x4!

Creativity created the Ebola virus. - It made the Government look inwards when they wouldn't be allowed to fly abroad for medical attention.

Creativity helps me cover up my inefficiencies at work - by passing the bulk to 'my Oga at the top'.

Creativity gave us the Condom. - Quarantine the 'slimy' bastard that wants to turn your Blues to Reggae!

…and Creativity created the crocodile tears that you think you can fool God with. May they EVER find the Chibok girls!


…What a fantastic and fun life I have.

My job is to live for now
in my fantasy world and not have a single frown
'Enjoyment'' is here to stay
Tomorrow can of-course, forever wait!

...I am So so bright.
I dim the glow of Sunlight, 
I sleep on the moon in my dreams, 
I make love with water when I swim 

...I get consumed by deep stuff.
Great writers jostle to pen my outrageous thoughts
My art, my poems, my act, my lyrics aint-no flukes
My life is being filmed for Animated storybooks

...Routine is my killer.
and that informs the different ways I like to style my hair,
Sometimes it is well groomed and other times, I AM MEDUSA.
Somedays, I am ''ladies smacking their lips'' kind'a guy
othertimes, I am a sorry sight to mankind!


...You gotta envy how we Roll' -
     _ll__        .
_,-"::::::::"=._,/t__
"____________/
We row…row…all the way for client's meeting
just to present a T-shirt's Logo printing
We've got our client's Cock in our mouth
Once the cheque get's signed, we Out!

...I am a creative Spirit...
and that's why I find it hard to commit to a religion
I love other people's beliefs and philosophies too...
I love Islam, I envy Christianity...A Bhuddist some days 
and others, I hail Jah Rastafarai.

...When I'm starving -
I prefer to feed my mind than my belly
or take 'finger foods' like Fufu toh 'gbona feli feli
Broke days, brunch is Gala in traffic
other times, I chill with Orijin toh Classic

...What a beautiful heart I have...
My love for Fatima, Ukamaka & Lolade knows no bounds
Esther, Angela, Elizabeth and Cynthia are there when I'm down 
Alexjandra,  Shaniqua, Carolina and Estrella are the ones with thick laps
while Comfort, Aghogho, Belima and Shaki act as my spare parts

...No - No to Societal norms…
No logic in Ties & girls wearing Bra.
Few times, I wear nice Shirts, 
Happy times I love being in Rags.
My life's dream is to finally find peace as a Nudist


Isn't creativity so great?!

Lanre Okunola

…cautiously optimistic and pleasantly confused!